Do You Feel Entitled to a Puffed-Up Title?

“What do you do for a living?” asked the friendly face at the registration desk, as her hand juggled a blue Sharpie over a blank name tag.

I have TWO job titles, actually:

1)      Provider of Motivational Firewood™

2)      Face-First Automatic-Door Tester

While the first one has been trademarked for legal purposes, the second is not.

Feel free to use it yourself, though!

One thing which drives me crazy, which seems so pervasive in American Corporate Culture, is the  wielding of titles   as  though they contain magical powers to command respect and awe.

While there are ‘good people’ at all levels, the bad ones who act like complete douche-bags (yes, I said  it…and I can because I am Chief Blogging & Communications Officer) to their perceived subordinates are the ones I am focusing on today.

Here is my yardstick: if your job title has to be continued on the back of your business card: you may be puffing yourself up a bit too much!!

I also believe that job titles should convey, in fairly straight-ahead terms, what it is you do (so I know if I should be impressed or not).

Chief Director of Dynamic Applications Administration?  You’ve lost me. Do I salute you?

Cute and clever titles can be fun, as they make great ice-breakers.

   Director of First Impressions (said with a smile): receptionist!

   Doody Calls Technician: plumber!

Personal Beverage Dispenser: bartender!

If we are engaging at a speed-networking event and each have two minutes to explain what we do, please do not blow through your time (and start bleeding into mine) trying to impress me with your job title. I don’t care how long you’ve been doing what you do. I don’t care how important it makes you feel.

I only care about how you add value to your company and those around you…and how respectful you are toward them.

My two job titles are pretty straightforward. As Provider of Motivational Firewood, I create positive messages daily in the hope that they inspire people to take them, add them to the sparks in their hearts and create something wonderful for themselves and those around them. Hmmmm…perhaps I should have called myself Executive Director of Fulfillment for Internal Positivity Combustion?

As for the second title of Face-First Automatic-Door Tester, it’s pretty simple. I fly face-first into new challenges, hoping for the best. Imagine moving at a high rate of speed toward the automatic doors of a supermarket, face-first. My biggest thought: I hope they open inward…faster than I am running!!  J

Sometimes they do not open, creating a new scar and some fresh wisdom.

When I am older, I may not be pretty, but I will have learned some valuable lessons in life by not being afraid to go out there and smack into a few perceived obstacles.

What do YOUR titles say about you?

Do they inspire, amuse or confuse?

If you need to create a puffed-up, pompous presence, perhaps you should visit the “B.S. Job Generator” website (warning: coarse language in website title) HERE:

Do you have a fun, creative job title?

If you do, please feel free to share it with me via e-mail at

I’d love to share them (job title/what you actually do) in a future e-newsletter.

Wishing you all a wonderful week, my team of Progress Analysis Orchestrators*!

* readers and friends

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